Thursday, February 17, 2011

Super Nesting and quick decision time

My last day of work was Monday. Since then I have been experiencing "Super Nesting". The funny part is that through it all I have not dusted. Anything. I've cleaned the fridge, obsessively organized the canned goods, washing just about everything that looks dirty, swept the floors, and reorganized the tub with all the birthing supplies.  I just find it really humorous that dust just doesn't bother me. I don't know why. Sometimes, like once every year or more, I do dust. At least the very visible things that get dusty. The TV, end table, maybe the ceiling light fixtures. I might attack it sooner if I notice a dusty cobweb. Oh well.

My appointments are now every week. My 36wk one was last week, that's the one where they come to our house. They brought the pool with them, which we need to set up and tinker with before the birth. (I might have to dust the corner it's going in.)  Having them come here just made it seem all the more real. We talked about how we're going to blanket off the living room archways and windows so there are no drafts, bringing in a space heater to help create a warm birthing room. That's one of the downsides of owning an older house, the windows are drafty and one windy days/nights you can actually feel a breeze in parts of the house. Someday we'll have all new windows. With the way the weather has been, I'm hoping I go into labor on one of the warm sunny days, where it is in the forties or fifties outside and not on a subzero blizzard. But since I have no control over that, I can dream.

Since monday night, I've been having some pretty serious rounds of practice labor.  It isn't painful, there are just some moments where I have to stop and breath before I continue on what I am doing. Yesterday, though I actually started to panic a little. We hadn't gotten all the basics on our shopping list yet and that was really conflicting with my nesting. I actually called my husband at work and asked if it was ok if I went out to buy the rest. He was worried that if I felt that way, that I shouldn't be going out on my own. It's not that I felt like the baby was going to come that night, I'm just starting to get feelings that this one might not wait until it's estimated due date. I could be wrong about that, but being more aware of what is going on sensation wise and the fact that no two pregnancies are alike, was kinda freaking me out a bit. So we went out last night and finished that shopping list. I have my aromatherapy candle, my enormous pads (I'm using incontinence pads, while thinking about it, really you don't know what's leaking out of you postpartum). There are still a few little things we didn't get yet, but they aren't on the list and are things I just want to have after I have the baby.  Like specific teas, perineum spray, a nice body lotion to use afterward, etc. But apart from that, if it were to happen tonight, we are ready.

In other news, due mostly to my own frustration and not continuing the hunt, I had to switch pediatricians this past week. My midwives had given me some cards to open minded pediatricians, but when they did I was in  such a state of discouragement after several failed interviews, I never followed up on them. Well, when I called our current one to announce that we were expecting another baby, the question came up "Where are you having the baby?" I simply said I was having the baby at home and that the midwives were going to be doing the prenatal care for the first two weeks, since they are going to be here 3 to 4 times a week for the first six weeks anyway.  Well, that didn't go over well at all. I'd say it had about the same reaction as kicking a dog.  I then received about a five minute lecture about how home birthing isn't safe, that I was putting my baby at risk, and that she wanted to see the baby the day after it was born. Basically she made me feel like she was going to call Child Protection Services on me. So, I frantically dug through the list of pediatricians my midwives gave me, found one that accepted our insurance, called and scheduled a new patient for my son and a prenatal for myself. It took two days but I got up the courage to call and cancel my sons 3yr well baby with her, gratefully she didn't answer the phone and I got to talk to her really nice receptionist.  So, the prenatal is tomorrow morning and my sons is on Mar 11, which depending on when I have the baby, I may or may not be going to. Either way, my husband will be doing the driving. (Now to get the carseat base installed in his car.) 
I should of expected this from our old pediatrician. With all the many ways we have bonked heads since my sons birth. What I found humorous though, was when I was looking for her fax number, I found a website where you can rate Doctors and read comments other patients have written about them. She is in the three star range for almost everything, except office atmosphere, friendliness of staff, and ease to schedule. Those ones she got five stars on.  The things we've bonked on have been differences of opinions, like on vaccines, circumcision, etc. I'm not anti-vaccine, I would just like him to not get the ones I don't feel comfortable with. It's not that I'm making uneducated decisions or just randomly picking and choosing out of a hat, which is how she always made me feel. But after the homebirth lecture, I just couldn't take anymore. I was ready to give her a second chance, but she obviously doesn't like educated parents who make their own decisions for their children.
So with that said, I am looking forward to meeting the new ones, I say ones, because my son is going to have a male doctor (hopefully from here on) which I really feel comfortable with. The prenatal is with the female in the practice, not that I'm hoping for a girl, but she was the one who was able to be scheduled soonest for the prenatal. I'm mad at myself for not digging around and interviewing when I was pregnant with my son. I was naive, I didn't know any different, I just thought "Hey I have a doctor for my baby, one less thing to worry about."  Oh well. Live and Learn, that's what being a parent is all about.

Though I will say this here, after the care that I have received from my midwives, unless I absolutely have no other choice, I will never go back to an OB/MD for any future pregnancies. It has been the best experience ever. Knowing that I don't have to leave the house postpartum for anything and they are coming to see me, is the most soothing thought. Knowing that they will be there if I need them and not having them be pushy or interfering, insisting on checking me every hour, while I am in labor is relaxing. I am looking forward to my birth. I am ready to have my baby and welcome it into our family knowing that it won't be searching frantically for it's mother after it is born. I can hold my baby for as long as I want afterward, before it is cleaned.
It sounds strange, but I am looking forward to having the memory of what my baby looks like after birth. My son was whisked away so quickly to be cleaned and wrapped like a burrito, that I've always felt a bit sad in that I didn't even get to see him before he was cleaned up.
Going in to hypathetical questions here: In that situation, how do we know it is our baby? Our instinctive bonding and imprinting is messed with. If the nurses didn't tell you it was your baby, would you know? I can see how the joke of baby mix ups in the nursery could happen. Especially when moms were fully sedated and had no memory of the birth. The few seconds we see our baby or hear it's cry after birth are so crucial, that's when we form the knowledge that that is our baby. Same to the baby, after they are born they view a menagerie of faces, bright lights, and smells. Yet they are searching and become frightened because the voice they have been hearing all their in-utero life is missing. They cannot find their mothers scent, her face, her voice, the simple things they are programmed to look for for their own survival.

I guess that's enough over thinking for today.

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