I have to thank Mother Nature for trying to help me have this baby. All the snowstorms and weather changes we've been experiencing have created a great barometric pressure roller coaster that is helping all sorts of cramping and contractions to happen. Unfortunately nothing has "happened" yet.
My living room has been partially transformed into a birth room. The furniture is rearranged and my husband set up the pool. I've sat in it, draped myself over the side, etc. Just trying to visualize myself having the baby in it. We have flannel bedsheets set aside to be hung from the doorways and a space heater to make it nice a toasty in that part of the house.
Thursday I had a great false alarm. I actually called my midwives to let them know that I might be having the baby, but everything died out after I went to bed. It was a good test run though, now I know how much shorter my patience is when they are happening. Though it was odd because that whole day it was almost as though my son knew something was going on. He was hyper and completely underfoot the whole day. Which is how he gets when he knows someone is coming over, we're going out somewhere, or if he'd somehow snuck one too many cookies when I wasn't looking.
My mother in law came down to help ease my poor husbands mind. He is the only manager working the opening shift this weekend and he was becoming paranoid that I was going to have the baby. It's not that he worried he's going to miss the actual birth, he just doesn't want me to be alone when everything starts to happen. I don't want to be alone either, but with the way the weather has been I was starting to convince myself that I might have to deal with that as a reality. So after Thursdays "test" she said that she would come down one day early, she had already requested about two weeks off to be available if we needed help. Which, with two more snow storms (todays and one on sun/mon) I'm glad she did. I'm really starting to think this one is going to come on it's date too, but just in case. Babies have a habit of coming when they are ready, to heck with everyone else.
The only downside is that my husband and his mom, banter, a lot, over just about everything. That's the kind of relationship they have. He makes comments about how she doesn't do something right, she attacks back with "Well, this is how I've done it since you were a kid......" bla bla bla. I don't mind it here and there, but when they get into full swing, I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of "Everybody loves Raymond" or some other show where the mother and son have that kind of relationship. (Ok, she's not as bad as Marie......but still.)
So, if there are a ton of blogs between now and when I have the baby, at least you will know why.
Moving on...
Our plans for what is going to happen with our son have become fluid, to the point that they are changing almost daily. Having someone else here to help deal with him, who doesn't mind if they witness the birth or not is extremely helpful. I've already decided that I don't mind if he sees the baby be born. It's not going to be how it was at the hospital, with a birds eye view of my crotch under a bright light and the baby crowning. If I have the baby in the pool, it's just going to be me (hopefully) making what I've been telling him, my funny face and then lifting the baby out of the water when it is born. That I have no problem with him seeing. In fact I think it might be interesting to see how he retells it later. My dad filmed mine and my brothers births. I always told everyone I was born in a movie. So, I'm envisioning my son telling people that mommy pulled his little brother/sister out of a pool. Which is all he needs to know.
My husband and I have also talked about how we want to record the birth. I might feel differently about this later, but at the moment I was thinking snippets of moments here and there until I'm actually having the baby. Then I really want to have the camcorder propped up somewhere and just recording the whole thing. With my sons birth, there are snippets through the day, then there is me right before he is born when we were going to start pushing and afterward when he was born. Not that I really wanted to see me in my bright lit glory having my son, but I would of liked to have had some recordings of what he looked like after he was born. When they took him over and were cleaning him up, etc. Things I didn't get to see because of where I was.
I do know that I want lots of pictures afterward, that way I have plenty to pick from. It's hard to think about this stuff when you are in the moment, but these are moments that don't stay for long and memory can be as kind as it is cruel.
Onto to my quote for the moment:
Everyone says I'm waddling real good, I just tell them "it's hard to walk with a head stuck in your crotch. "
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Ode to my father
My parents finally watched the "Business of Being Born" earlier this week. Which I had given them about a month ago for them to watch, but hey being semi-retired doesn't mean you aren't busy. My mom knew a lot about what they talked about in the movie, having been a Le Leache League Leader for years. She had watched movies and read articles that all stated what they talked about in the movie. Some of it was shocking to her though, because she stopped being a leader when I was 12, so being pulled up to date on some things was a shock. She said she enjoyed seeing Michel Odent (author of 'Childbirth without Fear') talk, because that was the first book that she read and really really enjoyed. More than anything though, we talked about the main midwife (Cara Muhlahan) and how cool she seemed. It was funny that we talked about the segment of the movie where she was sharing her birth video and how she had her hair done up in this funny braid thing on top of her head. Also how she had such a hard first birth, yelling at everyone, crying in the bathtub, and my favorite quote "You wait here, I'm going to walk to the hospital and have the baby." My mom expressed her frustration with how the director wasn't breastfeeding her son at the final end, even though she was attempting to after he was born. She has a 'No Guts, No Glory' view on breastfeeding after helping so many women who had inverted nipples, babies with cleft lips, and all sorts of problems nurse their newborns and have them go on to nurse for a year or more. I'm with her on that, but I guess I'm a bit more easy going about that. She'll learn how wonderful nursing is if she has more kids.
What was really shocked me was that after they had watched it that night, my dad called me. He told me how he was shocked about the statistics on birth in the US, about the things they did to women around the time when he was born, and how things have become so much so about money that they are willing to put women and babies at risk. More than anything, it made him think about his own birth and how different his childhood might of been.
My dad is the first surviving baby of my German-immigrant grandparents, who escaped Germany at the tail end of WWII. My Oma, had a still born son before my dad. She became pregnant again six months later with my dad and my dad was a preemie who was born breech. My Oma had been very sick during her pregnancy with him and she probably had the "normal" birth at the time, being completely high on drugs or perhaps even being knocked out completely while my dad was being born. She didn't get to hold him until two weeks later. She only saw him through the glass window at the nursery. She says that all the nurses were always telling her how beautiful her son was, etc, but she didn't believe them. She thought my dad had died too and that they were just telling her that to save her from the awful truth. They had completely and totally missed the crucial bonding period after birth. Then after that long, to my Oma, emotionally and hormonally, my dad was dead. She hadn't held him, didn't know what color his eyes or hair was, didn't know how his cry sounded or what he smelled like. Same with my dad, he only knew the menagerie of nurses dressed in white, probably with masks over their mouths, that changed him, fed him, and rocked him to sleep. There was no bonding between mother and child. This also completely canceled out any chance of reforming a bond with breastfeeding, because at that time, you were putting your baby in danger by breastfeeding. Moms were told that their baby would die by the time their milk came in. So, my father was bottle fed. Any chance of a real chemical bond between him and my Oma was gone.
To make matters worse, my Opa was a raging alcholic when he was younger, due to the horrors that he witnessed while he was in the 'Hitler Jungen' in Germany, before he ran away. He relived nightmares and had a horrible temper. He still drinks today, but he doesn't rage, he just passes out. So, needless to say my poor father was also on the receiving end of the rages. My dad was beaten, yelled at, and abused his whole childhood. The sad part (and this is mostly in theory because neither of my grandparents will admit to it) is that because my Oma felt no real bond, beyond 'he is my son', she rarely put herself in between them. My dad has clear memories of my Oma acting coldly towards him when he had an injury or just needed to be held, as children do. He was forced to grow up quickly and alone.
This being known, the part of the movie where they touched on how all these medical interventions that involve chemicals or drugs that mimic or block the bonding hormone, hit home with him. This was the reason why, when my parents had me, my dad wanted my mom to breastfeed, for both my brother and I to sleep in their bed and why he carried us around in baby carriers tucked in under his jacket. Because he was denied so much love and comfort as a child, he went as far as he could to put that love and comfort into his childrens lives. Seeing him holding my son after he was born, made me realize how much my dad needed to be loved like that when he was a baby. How the simple act of being allowed to fall asleep on his parents shoulder or chest, was never granted to him.
In fact looking at all of my aunts and uncles, they all exhibit this trait. At our most recent get together, I watched my uncle hold his baby nephew while he was crying, it didn't matter that he was screaming at the top of his lungs.
My mom has noticed this about my dads family, that the older siblings all display deep protect and comfort traits. That with their own children, the way they comfort them, it's almost as though they are trying to comfort the crying child within them, that was never comforted.
During her studies in the LLL, my mom came across something that described my Oma to a T with her experiences in childbirthing. She never got over the fact that my dad lived. She actually told me Oma this and my mom told me that by the look that she was given after saying it, she knew she had hit the nail on the head. They've never talked openly about my Oma's births, she did have miscarriages and I think one more stillborn between her kids. But, because of when my grandparents were raised, these were things you didn't talk about. Like sex, you just didn't talk about it. You found out on your wedding night and that was that.
I am glad that my parents found each other and that even though they were both damaged goods, they were able to get passed their past and focus on improving and raising their children the way they wished the had been raised. It is because of their love that my brother and I have never been afraid to be who we are. That we aren't trying to live up to the standard set and expected from us. There is a real bond between us and that is how it should be between parents and children. It is one thing to say "That is my son", but it is a completely different world to feel so strongly about that sentence as to willing throw yourself in front of a truck for them.
That is the simple feeling that is at risk with medical interventions. Not every mom will have this problem, but the question is...................Is it worth the Risk?
What was really shocked me was that after they had watched it that night, my dad called me. He told me how he was shocked about the statistics on birth in the US, about the things they did to women around the time when he was born, and how things have become so much so about money that they are willing to put women and babies at risk. More than anything, it made him think about his own birth and how different his childhood might of been.
My dad is the first surviving baby of my German-immigrant grandparents, who escaped Germany at the tail end of WWII. My Oma, had a still born son before my dad. She became pregnant again six months later with my dad and my dad was a preemie who was born breech. My Oma had been very sick during her pregnancy with him and she probably had the "normal" birth at the time, being completely high on drugs or perhaps even being knocked out completely while my dad was being born. She didn't get to hold him until two weeks later. She only saw him through the glass window at the nursery. She says that all the nurses were always telling her how beautiful her son was, etc, but she didn't believe them. She thought my dad had died too and that they were just telling her that to save her from the awful truth. They had completely and totally missed the crucial bonding period after birth. Then after that long, to my Oma, emotionally and hormonally, my dad was dead. She hadn't held him, didn't know what color his eyes or hair was, didn't know how his cry sounded or what he smelled like. Same with my dad, he only knew the menagerie of nurses dressed in white, probably with masks over their mouths, that changed him, fed him, and rocked him to sleep. There was no bonding between mother and child. This also completely canceled out any chance of reforming a bond with breastfeeding, because at that time, you were putting your baby in danger by breastfeeding. Moms were told that their baby would die by the time their milk came in. So, my father was bottle fed. Any chance of a real chemical bond between him and my Oma was gone.
To make matters worse, my Opa was a raging alcholic when he was younger, due to the horrors that he witnessed while he was in the 'Hitler Jungen' in Germany, before he ran away. He relived nightmares and had a horrible temper. He still drinks today, but he doesn't rage, he just passes out. So, needless to say my poor father was also on the receiving end of the rages. My dad was beaten, yelled at, and abused his whole childhood. The sad part (and this is mostly in theory because neither of my grandparents will admit to it) is that because my Oma felt no real bond, beyond 'he is my son', she rarely put herself in between them. My dad has clear memories of my Oma acting coldly towards him when he had an injury or just needed to be held, as children do. He was forced to grow up quickly and alone.
This being known, the part of the movie where they touched on how all these medical interventions that involve chemicals or drugs that mimic or block the bonding hormone, hit home with him. This was the reason why, when my parents had me, my dad wanted my mom to breastfeed, for both my brother and I to sleep in their bed and why he carried us around in baby carriers tucked in under his jacket. Because he was denied so much love and comfort as a child, he went as far as he could to put that love and comfort into his childrens lives. Seeing him holding my son after he was born, made me realize how much my dad needed to be loved like that when he was a baby. How the simple act of being allowed to fall asleep on his parents shoulder or chest, was never granted to him.
In fact looking at all of my aunts and uncles, they all exhibit this trait. At our most recent get together, I watched my uncle hold his baby nephew while he was crying, it didn't matter that he was screaming at the top of his lungs.
My mom has noticed this about my dads family, that the older siblings all display deep protect and comfort traits. That with their own children, the way they comfort them, it's almost as though they are trying to comfort the crying child within them, that was never comforted.
During her studies in the LLL, my mom came across something that described my Oma to a T with her experiences in childbirthing. She never got over the fact that my dad lived. She actually told me Oma this and my mom told me that by the look that she was given after saying it, she knew she had hit the nail on the head. They've never talked openly about my Oma's births, she did have miscarriages and I think one more stillborn between her kids. But, because of when my grandparents were raised, these were things you didn't talk about. Like sex, you just didn't talk about it. You found out on your wedding night and that was that.
I am glad that my parents found each other and that even though they were both damaged goods, they were able to get passed their past and focus on improving and raising their children the way they wished the had been raised. It is because of their love that my brother and I have never been afraid to be who we are. That we aren't trying to live up to the standard set and expected from us. There is a real bond between us and that is how it should be between parents and children. It is one thing to say "That is my son", but it is a completely different world to feel so strongly about that sentence as to willing throw yourself in front of a truck for them.
That is the simple feeling that is at risk with medical interventions. Not every mom will have this problem, but the question is...................Is it worth the Risk?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
quick blurb on "One Born Every Minute"
Had to put this in here. To those of you who have cable (I don't) you probably have 'Lifetime' and have probably seen ads for the new birth show "One Born Every Minute". This show, with their first episode, have created a flurry of angry, frustrated, reactions in the natural birthing world. Since I don't have cable I went to the website and watched the episode to see what the fuss was about. Mind you, I don't watch these shows anymore and for a good reason. I watched "A baby story" when I was a teen, not all the time, but if it was on I would watch it. Which if you are a teen, I really don't suggest watching these shows, because they can just make you afraid and form opinions for you as to how birth is. When really birth is/can be nothing like what is portrayed.
The first episode told the story of three women, two second births and one first time.
The hospital that it was filmed at reminded me a lot of where my son was born. A hospital that touts a high epidural rate and claims that they are there for the comfort of the moms and protecting the babies. A nice hospital, but not the best place to go natural. Watching the women on it, I organized them each into their niche in birthing.
First: there was the 'Doctor Favorite': the mom who comes in, her labor is progressing normal, she doesn't put up a fight over interventions and has her baby within the allotted "Time Slot" that birth is supposed to take place in. I know many moms like her, who just go in and go along with whatever the nurses and doctors say to do. They have a "happy" birth experience and think nothing else of it. I have nothing against them, I'm happy they had their perfect birth, that nothing went wrong, and that they are happy and healthy. Kudos to them, it's just not for me.
Second: the 'Medical Emergency' (the reason not every women needs intervention): I felt sooooooooooo bad for this poor woman. She was progressing fine naturally and was in severe need of a doula, nurse, or family member to step up and help her through the final stage of her labor. From how her legs were twitching and dancing, I personally think she was having back labor and it was completely disorienting her and making her lose her focus. Of course the staff recommended the epidural and pit to help with the end of her labor. After that, it just snowballed. The pit made the contractions too much for her baby, his heart rate dropped and she had to have an emergency c-section. I felt so so so so sad for her. This is a mom who didn't want a c-section, who had to have one because she didn't have good support during her birth. Just because her mom and husband were there, doesn't mean they were supportive. (STOP EATING YOUR FRIGGIN' CHEESE DOODLES AND HELP YOUR DAUGHTER!!!")
Third: the 'Natural Couple', an almost unnatural ending: Kudos to them. Her husband and Doula were doing everything right. Helping her vocalize, moving her around and being completely active participates in her labor. Yes, it's not comfortable for others to listen to a woman in labor vocalize, but oh well, they aren't in labor. The nurse in charge was nice, but had a hard time with anything not in the procedure handbook. (You don't need to be checked every hour and the risk of infection is increased because of the checking. Vagina's aren't vacumes!) I felt bad that they ended up having the pit in order to finish birthing, but that's what happens at a un-natural birth hospital.
I do however understand why they were birthing in a hospital and not at home. The same reason I did with my son, first child, just in case something does go wrong, never done this before, etc. Her being in her thirties and him in his forties, may also have had something to do with it. I don't know, just going on what I saw.
What really, really irritated me was the music. They had calm, normal music playing with the doctors favorite, dramatic music playing with the emergency intervention, and that 'bum bum' corny music playing with the natural couple. They TOTALLY used that to help avert the feelings of the viewer emotionally to go along with the commentary and helped the viewer form opinions based on that. Very irritating. Hence the reason why I never watch these shows.
See for yourself: One Born Every Minute: To Medicate or Not: that is the question
Read what really happened during the natural couples labor from the view of the mom: Interview with Susan: The "Natural" childbirth mom from OBEM
The first episode told the story of three women, two second births and one first time.
The hospital that it was filmed at reminded me a lot of where my son was born. A hospital that touts a high epidural rate and claims that they are there for the comfort of the moms and protecting the babies. A nice hospital, but not the best place to go natural. Watching the women on it, I organized them each into their niche in birthing.
First: there was the 'Doctor Favorite': the mom who comes in, her labor is progressing normal, she doesn't put up a fight over interventions and has her baby within the allotted "Time Slot" that birth is supposed to take place in. I know many moms like her, who just go in and go along with whatever the nurses and doctors say to do. They have a "happy" birth experience and think nothing else of it. I have nothing against them, I'm happy they had their perfect birth, that nothing went wrong, and that they are happy and healthy. Kudos to them, it's just not for me.
Second: the 'Medical Emergency' (the reason not every women needs intervention): I felt sooooooooooo bad for this poor woman. She was progressing fine naturally and was in severe need of a doula, nurse, or family member to step up and help her through the final stage of her labor. From how her legs were twitching and dancing, I personally think she was having back labor and it was completely disorienting her and making her lose her focus. Of course the staff recommended the epidural and pit to help with the end of her labor. After that, it just snowballed. The pit made the contractions too much for her baby, his heart rate dropped and she had to have an emergency c-section. I felt so so so so sad for her. This is a mom who didn't want a c-section, who had to have one because she didn't have good support during her birth. Just because her mom and husband were there, doesn't mean they were supportive. (STOP EATING YOUR FRIGGIN' CHEESE DOODLES AND HELP YOUR DAUGHTER!!!")
Third: the 'Natural Couple', an almost unnatural ending: Kudos to them. Her husband and Doula were doing everything right. Helping her vocalize, moving her around and being completely active participates in her labor. Yes, it's not comfortable for others to listen to a woman in labor vocalize, but oh well, they aren't in labor. The nurse in charge was nice, but had a hard time with anything not in the procedure handbook. (You don't need to be checked every hour and the risk of infection is increased because of the checking. Vagina's aren't vacumes!) I felt bad that they ended up having the pit in order to finish birthing, but that's what happens at a un-natural birth hospital.
I do however understand why they were birthing in a hospital and not at home. The same reason I did with my son, first child, just in case something does go wrong, never done this before, etc. Her being in her thirties and him in his forties, may also have had something to do with it. I don't know, just going on what I saw.
What really, really irritated me was the music. They had calm, normal music playing with the doctors favorite, dramatic music playing with the emergency intervention, and that 'bum bum' corny music playing with the natural couple. They TOTALLY used that to help avert the feelings of the viewer emotionally to go along with the commentary and helped the viewer form opinions based on that. Very irritating. Hence the reason why I never watch these shows.
See for yourself: One Born Every Minute: To Medicate or Not: that is the question
Read what really happened during the natural couples labor from the view of the mom: Interview with Susan: The "Natural" childbirth mom from OBEM
countdown, a sense of loss, and new ped.
Since my last entry we have finished getting everything for the birth, well almost, after this afternoon we will have absolutely everything. My husband took our son out to get a lead free garden hose and fish net, but that should be IT for supplies. I spent some time yesterday making postpartum pads for after the birth and froze them. I did some using only gauze and some using the actual pads I'm planning on using afterward. I also went out yesterday for two reason, first I had my prenatal visit with out new pediatricians. (All Smiles Here!!) and then I stopped at my favorite natural store to buy the supplies for the pads and some teas to drink after the birth to help with bleeding and cramping. Made the mistake of stopping at the new "Fresh Market" first, just to see if they had what I needed there since it was closer via the route I was taking back in from the doctors office. Ended up spending $25 on stuff that I didn't really need, but was going to need eventually.
Lesson One: don't shop when you are in full nesting mode. You will buy things you know you are going to need, but don't need right now, but will buy anyway because you know you are going to need them, even though there are other things you REALLY need to buy first.
After lunch, we went out and stocked up on food that is easy to prepare, mostly box mixes like hamburger helper, rice sides, etc. Things we don't normally buy, but since I won't be in any mood to cook and will probably have family here, hopefully between them and my husband, they will be able to cook without blowing up the kitchen. From here on, we should only have to make "WE HAVE NO MILK!!" runs out to Stewarts, which is right down the road. The kind of grocery runs you can trust your husband to go out and not come home with everything else BUT what you sent him out for. (My husbands actually really good about getting things that are on a list, my dad on the other hand is where I get my jokes from.)
In sad news, my absolute favorite parenting magazine "Mothering" is no longer going to be in print. They are turning into a web only magazine. Which makes me so extremely sad. I've saved every edition I've gotten since subscribing and am very glad that I did. It makes me so frustrated that other parenting magazines, that are mostly ads and useless dribble have finally put out a magazine that fills your head with real, usable knowledge. Things that make you think, rather than tell you what to think. I feel such a sense of loss here. I will be going to the site more often to read the articles and get the yummy recipes they post, but it just won't be the same. Having something that doesn't have a diaper or formula ad on every other page, yelling out at you to buy their product, doesn't seem like much to ask. I guess the masses have chosen which kind of magazine they prefer to subscribe to and read.
That aside, I have to talk about our new pediatricians. I only met one of them yesterday, but if they are both like that, then I think I have found doctor heaven. The office was very friendly and comfortable feeling. The staff was nice at the reception window, which I have to say scared me for a few minutes because at our old one, the staff was very nice, but the doctor wasn't. The patient room I was in was decorated very fun with safari animals. The doctor was very nice and I have to say that the sense of relief that filled me talking to her was wonderful. To hear a doctor say that they have a lot of patients who have home births and that they work with my midwives often, was music to my ears. Then to hear her say that they are very lenient on vaccines and that they have clients that choose not to vaccinate, to follow different schedules, etc and that they are fine with that is great. It's just so nice knowing that I won't feel like I'm putting my kids in danger or that they think I'm just another radical parent who isn't thinking about the safety of my child, is relieving. I can't wait to work with them for my son and our new baby.
Postpartum pad recipe:
You will need: liquid aloe vera (not the ointment, liquid), witch hazel, essential lavender oil (not the perfume), foil, heavy duty pads or gauze.
On each pad/gauze put
1 tbsp witch hazel
1/2 tbsp aloe vera
1/4 tsp lavender oil
wrap in foil and freeze. use as needed. (taken from Mothering Magazine.)
You can also fill a small spray bottle with these to make a spray for your sensitve spots if you don't like the idea of using pads or need more soothing.
Fill the bottle half with water and then add the list of ingredients above,
shake well before each use. Use after you rinse off with your peri bottle and have patted dry.
Postpartum tea recomendations
Female Toner tea (to help tone the muscles of the uterus)
Red Raspberry leaf tea (to help with cramping during your cycle and postpartum)
Both are by Yogi and Traditional Medicines, both are sold at Natural Food Stores, you can also buy them in bulk at Jeans Greens. They are under different names, but you just have to look at the ingredient list to find the right one.
Lesson One: don't shop when you are in full nesting mode. You will buy things you know you are going to need, but don't need right now, but will buy anyway because you know you are going to need them, even though there are other things you REALLY need to buy first.
After lunch, we went out and stocked up on food that is easy to prepare, mostly box mixes like hamburger helper, rice sides, etc. Things we don't normally buy, but since I won't be in any mood to cook and will probably have family here, hopefully between them and my husband, they will be able to cook without blowing up the kitchen. From here on, we should only have to make "WE HAVE NO MILK!!" runs out to Stewarts, which is right down the road. The kind of grocery runs you can trust your husband to go out and not come home with everything else BUT what you sent him out for. (My husbands actually really good about getting things that are on a list, my dad on the other hand is where I get my jokes from.)
In sad news, my absolute favorite parenting magazine "Mothering" is no longer going to be in print. They are turning into a web only magazine. Which makes me so extremely sad. I've saved every edition I've gotten since subscribing and am very glad that I did. It makes me so frustrated that other parenting magazines, that are mostly ads and useless dribble have finally put out a magazine that fills your head with real, usable knowledge. Things that make you think, rather than tell you what to think. I feel such a sense of loss here. I will be going to the site more often to read the articles and get the yummy recipes they post, but it just won't be the same. Having something that doesn't have a diaper or formula ad on every other page, yelling out at you to buy their product, doesn't seem like much to ask. I guess the masses have chosen which kind of magazine they prefer to subscribe to and read.
That aside, I have to talk about our new pediatricians. I only met one of them yesterday, but if they are both like that, then I think I have found doctor heaven. The office was very friendly and comfortable feeling. The staff was nice at the reception window, which I have to say scared me for a few minutes because at our old one, the staff was very nice, but the doctor wasn't. The patient room I was in was decorated very fun with safari animals. The doctor was very nice and I have to say that the sense of relief that filled me talking to her was wonderful. To hear a doctor say that they have a lot of patients who have home births and that they work with my midwives often, was music to my ears. Then to hear her say that they are very lenient on vaccines and that they have clients that choose not to vaccinate, to follow different schedules, etc and that they are fine with that is great. It's just so nice knowing that I won't feel like I'm putting my kids in danger or that they think I'm just another radical parent who isn't thinking about the safety of my child, is relieving. I can't wait to work with them for my son and our new baby.
Postpartum pad recipe:
You will need: liquid aloe vera (not the ointment, liquid), witch hazel, essential lavender oil (not the perfume), foil, heavy duty pads or gauze.
On each pad/gauze put
1 tbsp witch hazel
1/2 tbsp aloe vera
1/4 tsp lavender oil
wrap in foil and freeze. use as needed. (taken from Mothering Magazine.)
You can also fill a small spray bottle with these to make a spray for your sensitve spots if you don't like the idea of using pads or need more soothing.
Fill the bottle half with water and then add the list of ingredients above,
shake well before each use. Use after you rinse off with your peri bottle and have patted dry.
Postpartum tea recomendations
Female Toner tea (to help tone the muscles of the uterus)
Red Raspberry leaf tea (to help with cramping during your cycle and postpartum)
Both are by Yogi and Traditional Medicines, both are sold at Natural Food Stores, you can also buy them in bulk at Jeans Greens. They are under different names, but you just have to look at the ingredient list to find the right one.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Super Nesting and quick decision time
My last day of work was Monday. Since then I have been experiencing "Super Nesting". The funny part is that through it all I have not dusted. Anything. I've cleaned the fridge, obsessively organized the canned goods, washing just about everything that looks dirty, swept the floors, and reorganized the tub with all the birthing supplies. I just find it really humorous that dust just doesn't bother me. I don't know why. Sometimes, like once every year or more, I do dust. At least the very visible things that get dusty. The TV, end table, maybe the ceiling light fixtures. I might attack it sooner if I notice a dusty cobweb. Oh well.
My appointments are now every week. My 36wk one was last week, that's the one where they come to our house. They brought the pool with them, which we need to set up and tinker with before the birth. (I might have to dust the corner it's going in.) Having them come here just made it seem all the more real. We talked about how we're going to blanket off the living room archways and windows so there are no drafts, bringing in a space heater to help create a warm birthing room. That's one of the downsides of owning an older house, the windows are drafty and one windy days/nights you can actually feel a breeze in parts of the house. Someday we'll have all new windows. With the way the weather has been, I'm hoping I go into labor on one of the warm sunny days, where it is in the forties or fifties outside and not on a subzero blizzard. But since I have no control over that, I can dream.
Since monday night, I've been having some pretty serious rounds of practice labor. It isn't painful, there are just some moments where I have to stop and breath before I continue on what I am doing. Yesterday, though I actually started to panic a little. We hadn't gotten all the basics on our shopping list yet and that was really conflicting with my nesting. I actually called my husband at work and asked if it was ok if I went out to buy the rest. He was worried that if I felt that way, that I shouldn't be going out on my own. It's not that I felt like the baby was going to come that night, I'm just starting to get feelings that this one might not wait until it's estimated due date. I could be wrong about that, but being more aware of what is going on sensation wise and the fact that no two pregnancies are alike, was kinda freaking me out a bit. So we went out last night and finished that shopping list. I have my aromatherapy candle, my enormous pads (I'm using incontinence pads, while thinking about it, really you don't know what's leaking out of you postpartum). There are still a few little things we didn't get yet, but they aren't on the list and are things I just want to have after I have the baby. Like specific teas, perineum spray, a nice body lotion to use afterward, etc. But apart from that, if it were to happen tonight, we are ready.
In other news, due mostly to my own frustration and not continuing the hunt, I had to switch pediatricians this past week. My midwives had given me some cards to open minded pediatricians, but when they did I was in such a state of discouragement after several failed interviews, I never followed up on them. Well, when I called our current one to announce that we were expecting another baby, the question came up "Where are you having the baby?" I simply said I was having the baby at home and that the midwives were going to be doing the prenatal care for the first two weeks, since they are going to be here 3 to 4 times a week for the first six weeks anyway. Well, that didn't go over well at all. I'd say it had about the same reaction as kicking a dog. I then received about a five minute lecture about how home birthing isn't safe, that I was putting my baby at risk, and that she wanted to see the baby the day after it was born. Basically she made me feel like she was going to call Child Protection Services on me. So, I frantically dug through the list of pediatricians my midwives gave me, found one that accepted our insurance, called and scheduled a new patient for my son and a prenatal for myself. It took two days but I got up the courage to call and cancel my sons 3yr well baby with her, gratefully she didn't answer the phone and I got to talk to her really nice receptionist. So, the prenatal is tomorrow morning and my sons is on Mar 11, which depending on when I have the baby, I may or may not be going to. Either way, my husband will be doing the driving. (Now to get the carseat base installed in his car.)
I should of expected this from our old pediatrician. With all the many ways we have bonked heads since my sons birth. What I found humorous though, was when I was looking for her fax number, I found a website where you can rate Doctors and read comments other patients have written about them. She is in the three star range for almost everything, except office atmosphere, friendliness of staff, and ease to schedule. Those ones she got five stars on. The things we've bonked on have been differences of opinions, like on vaccines, circumcision, etc. I'm not anti-vaccine, I would just like him to not get the ones I don't feel comfortable with. It's not that I'm making uneducated decisions or just randomly picking and choosing out of a hat, which is how she always made me feel. But after the homebirth lecture, I just couldn't take anymore. I was ready to give her a second chance, but she obviously doesn't like educated parents who make their own decisions for their children.
So with that said, I am looking forward to meeting the new ones, I say ones, because my son is going to have a male doctor (hopefully from here on) which I really feel comfortable with. The prenatal is with the female in the practice, not that I'm hoping for a girl, but she was the one who was able to be scheduled soonest for the prenatal. I'm mad at myself for not digging around and interviewing when I was pregnant with my son. I was naive, I didn't know any different, I just thought "Hey I have a doctor for my baby, one less thing to worry about." Oh well. Live and Learn, that's what being a parent is all about.
Though I will say this here, after the care that I have received from my midwives, unless I absolutely have no other choice, I will never go back to an OB/MD for any future pregnancies. It has been the best experience ever. Knowing that I don't have to leave the house postpartum for anything and they are coming to see me, is the most soothing thought. Knowing that they will be there if I need them and not having them be pushy or interfering, insisting on checking me every hour, while I am in labor is relaxing. I am looking forward to my birth. I am ready to have my baby and welcome it into our family knowing that it won't be searching frantically for it's mother after it is born. I can hold my baby for as long as I want afterward, before it is cleaned.
It sounds strange, but I am looking forward to having the memory of what my baby looks like after birth. My son was whisked away so quickly to be cleaned and wrapped like a burrito, that I've always felt a bit sad in that I didn't even get to see him before he was cleaned up.
Going in to hypathetical questions here: In that situation, how do we know it is our baby? Our instinctive bonding and imprinting is messed with. If the nurses didn't tell you it was your baby, would you know? I can see how the joke of baby mix ups in the nursery could happen. Especially when moms were fully sedated and had no memory of the birth. The few seconds we see our baby or hear it's cry after birth are so crucial, that's when we form the knowledge that that is our baby. Same to the baby, after they are born they view a menagerie of faces, bright lights, and smells. Yet they are searching and become frightened because the voice they have been hearing all their in-utero life is missing. They cannot find their mothers scent, her face, her voice, the simple things they are programmed to look for for their own survival.
I guess that's enough over thinking for today.
My appointments are now every week. My 36wk one was last week, that's the one where they come to our house. They brought the pool with them, which we need to set up and tinker with before the birth. (I might have to dust the corner it's going in.) Having them come here just made it seem all the more real. We talked about how we're going to blanket off the living room archways and windows so there are no drafts, bringing in a space heater to help create a warm birthing room. That's one of the downsides of owning an older house, the windows are drafty and one windy days/nights you can actually feel a breeze in parts of the house. Someday we'll have all new windows. With the way the weather has been, I'm hoping I go into labor on one of the warm sunny days, where it is in the forties or fifties outside and not on a subzero blizzard. But since I have no control over that, I can dream.
Since monday night, I've been having some pretty serious rounds of practice labor. It isn't painful, there are just some moments where I have to stop and breath before I continue on what I am doing. Yesterday, though I actually started to panic a little. We hadn't gotten all the basics on our shopping list yet and that was really conflicting with my nesting. I actually called my husband at work and asked if it was ok if I went out to buy the rest. He was worried that if I felt that way, that I shouldn't be going out on my own. It's not that I felt like the baby was going to come that night, I'm just starting to get feelings that this one might not wait until it's estimated due date. I could be wrong about that, but being more aware of what is going on sensation wise and the fact that no two pregnancies are alike, was kinda freaking me out a bit. So we went out last night and finished that shopping list. I have my aromatherapy candle, my enormous pads (I'm using incontinence pads, while thinking about it, really you don't know what's leaking out of you postpartum). There are still a few little things we didn't get yet, but they aren't on the list and are things I just want to have after I have the baby. Like specific teas, perineum spray, a nice body lotion to use afterward, etc. But apart from that, if it were to happen tonight, we are ready.
In other news, due mostly to my own frustration and not continuing the hunt, I had to switch pediatricians this past week. My midwives had given me some cards to open minded pediatricians, but when they did I was in such a state of discouragement after several failed interviews, I never followed up on them. Well, when I called our current one to announce that we were expecting another baby, the question came up "Where are you having the baby?" I simply said I was having the baby at home and that the midwives were going to be doing the prenatal care for the first two weeks, since they are going to be here 3 to 4 times a week for the first six weeks anyway. Well, that didn't go over well at all. I'd say it had about the same reaction as kicking a dog. I then received about a five minute lecture about how home birthing isn't safe, that I was putting my baby at risk, and that she wanted to see the baby the day after it was born. Basically she made me feel like she was going to call Child Protection Services on me. So, I frantically dug through the list of pediatricians my midwives gave me, found one that accepted our insurance, called and scheduled a new patient for my son and a prenatal for myself. It took two days but I got up the courage to call and cancel my sons 3yr well baby with her, gratefully she didn't answer the phone and I got to talk to her really nice receptionist. So, the prenatal is tomorrow morning and my sons is on Mar 11, which depending on when I have the baby, I may or may not be going to. Either way, my husband will be doing the driving. (Now to get the carseat base installed in his car.)
I should of expected this from our old pediatrician. With all the many ways we have bonked heads since my sons birth. What I found humorous though, was when I was looking for her fax number, I found a website where you can rate Doctors and read comments other patients have written about them. She is in the three star range for almost everything, except office atmosphere, friendliness of staff, and ease to schedule. Those ones she got five stars on. The things we've bonked on have been differences of opinions, like on vaccines, circumcision, etc. I'm not anti-vaccine, I would just like him to not get the ones I don't feel comfortable with. It's not that I'm making uneducated decisions or just randomly picking and choosing out of a hat, which is how she always made me feel. But after the homebirth lecture, I just couldn't take anymore. I was ready to give her a second chance, but she obviously doesn't like educated parents who make their own decisions for their children.
So with that said, I am looking forward to meeting the new ones, I say ones, because my son is going to have a male doctor (hopefully from here on) which I really feel comfortable with. The prenatal is with the female in the practice, not that I'm hoping for a girl, but she was the one who was able to be scheduled soonest for the prenatal. I'm mad at myself for not digging around and interviewing when I was pregnant with my son. I was naive, I didn't know any different, I just thought "Hey I have a doctor for my baby, one less thing to worry about." Oh well. Live and Learn, that's what being a parent is all about.
Though I will say this here, after the care that I have received from my midwives, unless I absolutely have no other choice, I will never go back to an OB/MD for any future pregnancies. It has been the best experience ever. Knowing that I don't have to leave the house postpartum for anything and they are coming to see me, is the most soothing thought. Knowing that they will be there if I need them and not having them be pushy or interfering, insisting on checking me every hour, while I am in labor is relaxing. I am looking forward to my birth. I am ready to have my baby and welcome it into our family knowing that it won't be searching frantically for it's mother after it is born. I can hold my baby for as long as I want afterward, before it is cleaned.
It sounds strange, but I am looking forward to having the memory of what my baby looks like after birth. My son was whisked away so quickly to be cleaned and wrapped like a burrito, that I've always felt a bit sad in that I didn't even get to see him before he was cleaned up.
Going in to hypathetical questions here: In that situation, how do we know it is our baby? Our instinctive bonding and imprinting is messed with. If the nurses didn't tell you it was your baby, would you know? I can see how the joke of baby mix ups in the nursery could happen. Especially when moms were fully sedated and had no memory of the birth. The few seconds we see our baby or hear it's cry after birth are so crucial, that's when we form the knowledge that that is our baby. Same to the baby, after they are born they view a menagerie of faces, bright lights, and smells. Yet they are searching and become frightened because the voice they have been hearing all their in-utero life is missing. They cannot find their mothers scent, her face, her voice, the simple things they are programmed to look for for their own survival.
I guess that's enough over thinking for today.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Maternity Leave/Care Rant
This has been slowly bothering me for a little while, but after yesterday it's really bugging me.
To start, because I am a part time working mom, I am entitled to paid maternity leave from my employer. I called the 800 number to set it up. I did the whole thing, what is your last day of work, we need the fax number of your health care provider, what's your work number.........etc. What bothered me was when she asked what my last scheduled day of work is. I told her that I'm not working past the week of Feb 23 since my due date is Mar 3. Makes sense right? Second baby, due dates aren't always correct, yada yada. She asked me why I can't work past that date. I answered "Because my midwives don't want me going into labor at work." and neither does anybody else that I work with. I know she was looking for a medical reason, but the tone she asked it is was almost as if to say "What you can't hack it till your due date?" That has been the something that has been bothering me.
Women all across America and in other parts of the world are made to feel, either by insurance companies, doctors, other employees, that they are weak if they can't work until their due date. I understand that what drives this mostly is the limited six weeks of paid maternity leave employers/insurance companies offer and I understand that moms want to spend every moment they can with their new baby. I get that. It seems absurd to me that just asking for the last week before a baby is born, to finish preparing and just to rest up before the baby is born, isn't much to ask. With our country ranking #29 in the world for maternal and infant mortality rates, you would think insurance companies and doctors would jump at the chance if a mom said she wanted to take care of herself before the baby is born.
Then, there is this mentality out there that any women who has a baby naturally at home or in a hospital is viewed as a feminine macho. I'm not macho. I cry like a little baby when I stub my toe. But it's ok for a mom to work, while she is exhausted, to the end of her pregnancy. What's wrong with this picture? I'm the wuss for taking the week before my due date off, but I'm also the macho for planning a natural birth? I don't get it. When I took leave for my son, it was almost a full month before he was born. I had to beg my doctor to let me do it. She didn't want to take me out that early, but I needed to be out. I was exhausted and I just needed to nest before my first baby was born. I was also working more hours than I am now. I didn't know how to take good care of myself then, as I do now. I can say that with ease, but then when I went back to work, everyone made comments about how it was such a hard pregnancy for me. No, it wasn't. Comparatively, this one has been harder, with the morning sickness and having to deal with a two year old throughout.
But, it's that mentality. "Oh, she was weak. She couldn't make it to the end and work at the same time."
Where did this skewed idea come from? Taking care of yourself and resting when you need to rest is a sign of weakness??
No wonder we have such a horrible ranking in mortality rates. It's not the moms themselves, it's the pressure to be wonder woman while you are pregnant. To be able to keep working 40hrs a week, cook healthy meals, do the housekeeping, exercise, and have some time with their spouses. Say WHAT?? Out of all the pregnant women I have worked with, there have only been 2 out of 10 that have been able to work until the bitter end. Who had to call out of work the next day, because they had the baby.
Forget about relaxing and catching up on rest, you can do that on maternity leave.
Uh huh...........and anyone who has had a baby can tell you, there is no sleeping with a newborn in the house. Nor is there time to do the laundry, make a healthy meal, or keep your sanity (at least not without help.)
That then brings in the post partum depression rates. If we are made to feel that we need to be wonder women while we are pregnant, then of course we have to be after we have the baby.
What a crazy mental game this is to play with the bearers of our species. This is true backwards thinking in our modern era.
To start, because I am a part time working mom, I am entitled to paid maternity leave from my employer. I called the 800 number to set it up. I did the whole thing, what is your last day of work, we need the fax number of your health care provider, what's your work number.........etc. What bothered me was when she asked what my last scheduled day of work is. I told her that I'm not working past the week of Feb 23 since my due date is Mar 3. Makes sense right? Second baby, due dates aren't always correct, yada yada. She asked me why I can't work past that date. I answered "Because my midwives don't want me going into labor at work." and neither does anybody else that I work with. I know she was looking for a medical reason, but the tone she asked it is was almost as if to say "What you can't hack it till your due date?" That has been the something that has been bothering me.
Women all across America and in other parts of the world are made to feel, either by insurance companies, doctors, other employees, that they are weak if they can't work until their due date. I understand that what drives this mostly is the limited six weeks of paid maternity leave employers/insurance companies offer and I understand that moms want to spend every moment they can with their new baby. I get that. It seems absurd to me that just asking for the last week before a baby is born, to finish preparing and just to rest up before the baby is born, isn't much to ask. With our country ranking #29 in the world for maternal and infant mortality rates, you would think insurance companies and doctors would jump at the chance if a mom said she wanted to take care of herself before the baby is born.
Then, there is this mentality out there that any women who has a baby naturally at home or in a hospital is viewed as a feminine macho. I'm not macho. I cry like a little baby when I stub my toe. But it's ok for a mom to work, while she is exhausted, to the end of her pregnancy. What's wrong with this picture? I'm the wuss for taking the week before my due date off, but I'm also the macho for planning a natural birth? I don't get it. When I took leave for my son, it was almost a full month before he was born. I had to beg my doctor to let me do it. She didn't want to take me out that early, but I needed to be out. I was exhausted and I just needed to nest before my first baby was born. I was also working more hours than I am now. I didn't know how to take good care of myself then, as I do now. I can say that with ease, but then when I went back to work, everyone made comments about how it was such a hard pregnancy for me. No, it wasn't. Comparatively, this one has been harder, with the morning sickness and having to deal with a two year old throughout.
But, it's that mentality. "Oh, she was weak. She couldn't make it to the end and work at the same time."
Where did this skewed idea come from? Taking care of yourself and resting when you need to rest is a sign of weakness??
No wonder we have such a horrible ranking in mortality rates. It's not the moms themselves, it's the pressure to be wonder woman while you are pregnant. To be able to keep working 40hrs a week, cook healthy meals, do the housekeeping, exercise, and have some time with their spouses. Say WHAT?? Out of all the pregnant women I have worked with, there have only been 2 out of 10 that have been able to work until the bitter end. Who had to call out of work the next day, because they had the baby.
Forget about relaxing and catching up on rest, you can do that on maternity leave.
Uh huh...........and anyone who has had a baby can tell you, there is no sleeping with a newborn in the house. Nor is there time to do the laundry, make a healthy meal, or keep your sanity (at least not without help.)
That then brings in the post partum depression rates. If we are made to feel that we need to be wonder women while we are pregnant, then of course we have to be after we have the baby.
What a crazy mental game this is to play with the bearers of our species. This is true backwards thinking in our modern era.
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