Box of goodies and practice waves

 We got our birthing kit yesterday in the mail and of course I opened it and looked at everything inside. I have to say it is so interesting to me. Me who is the PBS addict and loves watching Nova, Nature, and all those educational shows. I love love love learning about things and I absolutely love the fact that I am so involved in my birth!  I get to see everything, look at it and go "Oh Ok, that's what that looks like." Like the umbilical cord clamp, I've never seen what one looks like and I now got to look at one (inside the package of course). This kit was designed and put together by my midwives. It has what they prefer to have at the birth in it. I didn't know that they could do that, but that's great that any midwife can put together a kit and you can go online and buy it. They threw a few free samples in like Emergen-C, Lansioh nipple ointment, and a little thing of Baby Magic baby lotion. Some of it was pretty funny to see again, like the sexy mesh undies and the spray bottle. I'm a little muddled as to why they would send straws, but hey. Somethings took me a moment to figure out, like the support socks. Then there are things like lubricating jelly, arnica tablets, and some soothing herbal drops.  The things in the box are bed pads, gloves, and gauze pads.

The past three nights I've been starting to experience practice waves (Braxton Hicks Contractions).  They haven't been steady, they don't last long and the interval is long in between them. It's kind of cool in a way because when I've been getting them, it's been night time and I'm able to feel them without any interuption. Which has been nice. I'm able to tell the difference in the muscles that are working. They usually start at the top by my ribs and slowly wave down. It's not uncomfortable, mostly it's just a little bit a pressure. But I can tell how they are working, now knowing which ones do what. Rather than it's just being strange cramping, I can tell that the top ones are gently pushing down and the bottom ones are stretching. It's sounds strange to put it in writing, but it's cool.

And lastly, I just finished reading a short book called "Back Labor No More!". It's a very quick read, but it really is just a book explaining what can cause back labor, who is most likely to get back labor, and a very simple technique that many women have tried, including the author.  According to the book, I have what is called a 'Short Rise', meaning that I don't have much room between my ribs and my hips. Which leaves the baby less room to be able to tumble and turn the way it needs to in order to exit. Most women who have a 'Short Rise' also tend to have a baby that is Posterior rather than Anterior. I've always known the difference was what way the baby was facing, but this book really explained why this is such a big problem. It has to do with the way our spines curl. Back bends are not easy or comfortable, so a baby that is Posterior causes a longer labor because your muscles have to work hard to help the baby out. Where as an Anterior baby can just curl it's back and adjust itself easier. To help the baby out and speed up delivery, she suggests tummy lifting. (I can't remember what she really calls it, but you are lifting your tummy so...) In order for this to work though, you cannot be on any pain medications as you need to feel your contractions. What you do is this: Start with your hands on your hips, when you feel a wave (contraction), you follow it with your hands under you belly, you then clasp your hands together and lift (using only your forearms, keep you upper arms straight) as high as you can and hold it throughout the wave. You can continue to hold it after the wave is gone. The one thing she really urges though, is that you do this in the place you are giving birth. Not in the Car, Not in the Bathroom, etc.
One of the women thought it would be ok to do it in the car while they were in route to the hospital and ended up being admitted with a newborn.  The reason for that warning, is that this places the baby's head on your cervix and the pressure will complete dilation and you will suddenly feel the need to push. So if you buy the book or try this technique, only do it when you are where you are giving birth.

Some of the women who tried the technique suggested, said that it didn't help the back labor much, but they had much quicker births. To me that is the payoff. I don't mind if the pain doesn't go away as long as the process is much much shorter. (I really don't want another 12hr birthing session.)

Shopping

 Since 36 weeks is literally just around the corner, this is where it gets exciting. Not just because the baby will be here is roughly a month, but it's time to go Shopping!! And we have quite a shopping list of supplies and stuff to get.  Hospitals rob us of our wonderful obsessive shopping skills, you just go in , have the baby, and go home. Yea it's nice to only think about buying the cute outfits and obsessing over what kind of diapers to buy, but home birthing goes way beyond that.
First and foremost, we had to order the birthing kit. Which even if we didn't have anything else in the house, we absolutely need that. (Well that, grapefruits, and double stuffed oreos. :o)

Our shopping list goes as follows: (this is the recommended list from my midwives, it may vary by midwife/ group)
-Olive oil-small bottle unopened
-Paper Towels (brand name, not scratchy)
-Black garbage bags
-Electrolyte drink: such as Recharge/Gatorade
-Flashlight with batteries
-Plastic Mattress cover or tablecloth (for your bed)
-Rubbing Alchol
-cotton swabs or balls
-Hydrogen Peroxide
-Baking sheet or serving tray
-2 medium bowls (not plastic)
-Two packages of regular OB maternity pads or thick overnight pads that come in extra long
-6-8 bath towels
-4-6 washcloths
-6-8 receiving blankets (thin flannel or cotton blankets for babies)
-2 baby hats
-baby's first outfit
-Newborn diapers (preferably disposable until the meconium is gone.)
-Camera, film, batteries
-Music of your choice
-Aromatherapy of your choice
-small fish net and new hose with sink adapter (for those planning a water birth)
- Plenty of food

Quite a list eh?  Goes above and beyond diapers and baby's first outfit. Our goal is to have this all sitting in a storage bin that we can just grab and move it to where it is needed.
Since I'm planning on a water birth, my 36 wk appointment is when I'm also getting the birthing pool. Which I have to say I'm excited about. Now we get to figure out where we want to put it and I get to do a dry run and see how it holds up. This isn't what you think of normally when you think pool. I know there are some who are thinking, inflatable pool like what my son plays in. No, this pool is made out of heavy duty material. For example the suggested way to get in and out is to sit on the side wall and swing your legs in. How many little kiddie pools can hold your weight on one wall? Good question, I'll back to you on that when I find out.

It's interesting looking at the list of actual supplies needed in birthing. Most of this stuff is set up on the other end of you or you only saw it covered in a sterile towel. Which was my experience, covered with a towel, so some of it raised an eyebrow here or there. Like the first thing: Olive Oil. Olive Oil? I'm having a baby, not making a salad. This is used in perineal massage. (My what?)  The pernium, the site that is stretched to the absolute limit when crowning happens. Apparently my OB was doing this while my son was being born so I wouldn't tear. I didn't know because that whole area was numb, but since I don't want to tear, go right ahead and use that olive oil.

I think it's interesting, birth is so common and yet so secretive as to what is used during birth. I get that most people put this stuff on the need-to-know list, if I need to know, it's on the list. But this is part of why I wanted a home birth. I've never been a big fan of secrets and the medical industry seems to have a lot of them. I guess I could of obtained a list of what supplies were going to be used during a hospital birth, but like millions of other women, it just didn't occur to me. It wasn't on my need-to-know list.

Back to the fun part now. SHOPPING! Really, what women doesn't like going shopping!? If I had an unlimited amount of money, I would be in pig heaven. I get to pick out what kind of towels to have at my birth. Not those scratchy over bleached white ones they had at the hospital. Color isn't that big of a deal here, but that's not the point. I get to go above and beyond buying clothes.

So if you see someone getting excited over black garbage bags, that would be me.

If we are that impressionable and they know it, we're in trouble.

I've been in the mood to watch "The Business of Being Born" again recently, that was the movie that really started this whole journey for me. I love that movie, almost as much as I love grapefruits. But the grapefruit love will probably go away after this baby, because it is just a craving.  I know there are people who don't want to watch movies because of who is in them or what the movie is about. I understand, I've made very biased choices like that in my life.
To begin with, I've never been a big fan of daytime talk, morning talk, afternoon talk, basically any talk shows. I've always left with a sense of "Wow I just blew an hour." I will watch them occasionally, but only if I see a preview for the show and it is about something that I'm really interested in. But to be honest, I can only handle so many 'It happened to me' 'My Miracles' etc stories. I'm kinda the same with birth stories, I love them, but after about ten it's overkill. So that being said, I'm not the ultimate fan of Ricki Lake. I barely remember her daytime talk show. I loved her in 'Hairspray', but that's about the extent.
(I'm not trying to sell this movie or anything, I just really really love it.) I watched it with my husband the first time and to be frank, it's a movie that I wished I had seen before I had had my son. It would of opened this already cracked door in time for me to of had a different first birth. But oh well.
It's a movie that really any women who is planning on having kids should see. It's not shoving natural birth in your face, it's just putting the facts out, showing some stories, there is birth in it and it ends well. It leaves you with the feeling that there is room in this world for both types of birth.  Okay, enough about the movie.
 
What I want to get to is a question that was raised in the movie. If we heard about how celebrities were planning their home births and there were entire center page spreads dedicated to it, would the public follow? This would be in place of hearing about Britney Spears' elective c-sections and how she had a tummy tuck. Or Posh Spice and how she had planned every one of her sons c-sections around David Beckhams games, how she had her tummy tuck and came out looking..........well Posh.  People spend millions on things that celebrities have, bags, shoes, cars, houses, furniture, etc. Same with new moms, they want what so and so is using for her stroller, carseat, diaper bag, diaper brand, clothes, etc. It's not that the 'alternative' way isn't there, it just isn't talked about. You don't see People magazine with "Owen Wilson and Jade Duell's Peaceful Home Birth." It isn't even a blurb in the magazine, they might mention they had the baby, but that's it. Bottles for Breastfeeding, c-sections for naturals, Pampers for cloth. You wouldn't think it would be faux paux, but it is. It shouldn't be.

 I work at a retail store and I have overheard so many young girls talking about their bodies and how they want to be able to wear a bikini after they have a baby or how having a baby stretches your crotch all out.  There was one time I overheard a young couple in the bras, she was just looking at what there was and he made some comment about how she better not ever wear 'granny panties' and went on about how he would dump a women if she wore those, etc. I actually piped up and said that it's all about comfort after you have kids.  He looked at me and said "Then I ain't havin' no kids."  Really? I know kids cuts down on your sex life but your gonna leave your woman if she ever wears just plain black undies? You my friend have some issues.

I know this isn't everyone. There are normal, sane people out there. I read their blogs, hear their stories, buy their products. It's just sad that things that are good for us are still such a minority. I'm not trying to change the world. I'm not trying to make you feel bad and say "OK, I'll buy the organic baby food, stop making me cry!"
There just seems to be something really wrong with this. Maybe I'm old fashioned, maybe I'm crazy, either way something smells fishy and it isn't me. I showered today.

Owen Wilson and Jade Duell

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr

sleepy ranting

This week has been mostly a blur. My mental fog has finally lifted, but just in time for me to realize that the week was over.
Mostly what I've been spending my brain power on has been just trying to fine tune some of the plans revolving around our son. I don't know why I'm so worried about this, the baby isn't going to wait for anyone it's going to come when it's good and ready.  I haven't had the chance to talk to my mother in law about most of the plans yet, but then again he phone has been busy just about every freakin' time I've tried to call her this week. I could talk to her when she calls, but the trouble is that that is usually when I'm trying to finish something else. She'll know what's going on either by finding out that day or maybe I'll just send her a letter.

So my mom has been the one that I've been communicating this with and talking to mostly. Which has been nice, but I've also really noticed how much further down the rabbit hole I am than my mom. She was a Le Leche League Leader for years and there are some things that are just common knowledge, but it's just funny how much more I've learned than she did. She didn't have a home birth with either my brother or me, but it's just interesting.  Some of it is frustrating, not so much in the not knowing, but when that's mixed with the mom. I had thought of one plan and when I talked to her about it she seemed ok. Then when I talked to her about it again later, she said she didn't want to be so far away from me in case something happened. Which I understand, totally, BUT what she used as an example just made my brain go "AHHH! My Bubble!!". She stated that she was worried about me bursting a blood vessel or vein, she said she knows it's rare, but that she wouldn't get here soon enough to say goodbye.  Now in my brain I'm going "The only way I would bust a blood vessel is if I was pushing until I was red in the face.." which is what I did with my son while having the nurses and Dr. say "Push PUsh push push push....." .  I'm not planning on pushing unless I feel the urge to. There is such a thing as breathing the baby down and just letting our uterus doing the work. I mean that's what it's there for right?? Those two sets of wonderful muscles in one organ, one to dilate and the other to push down? It'll seem like it's taking forever, but really when I was pushing that seemed like it was an eternity too.

Anyway, it just made my brain hurt. I totally had a teenager "MOM..." moment when she said that. Like when our moms tried to talk about boys, tampons, the fact that we had reached an age where we needed deodorant and a bra. I know she meant well, but I think I would of rather of relived a moment where I was embarrassed in front of a cute boy. But I guess that's what moms are there for. Who knows maybe it'll be a blood vessel in my brain, that same one that grew when we talked about bras.

Moving on, I'm starting to get the barrage of questions from my co-workers about what hospital I'm delivering at and so forth. They are already harboring some resentment in the fact that I don't know the sex, denying them the pleasure of buying cute little outfits. It'd really freak them out if they knew I haven't had an ultrasound since the first one that figures out my due date and how old the baby is (My midwives don't have an ultrasound machine, though they have someone who they work with who does.) I haven't told anyone I'm planning a home birth, I think someone might call the mom cops on me. I'm already alternative enough to some of them. for example I mentioned one night that if my exercise/birthing ball wasn't so cumbersome I'd bring it in to sit on instead of the crappy little stool they have for me. You would of thought I said I've been eating chocolate covered bugs with the looks I got. (No offense to those of you who like chocolate covered bugs).  After that I knew I'd better just not tell anyone, especially the one who told me point blank "Women aren't designed to deal with the pain of childbirth." uh huh, then why are we designed to have them? Wait did I hear someone say 'Intelligent Design'?  The whole curse of Eve thing really ticks me off some days, but whatever, that's a whole different rant.
So to keep off the masses, they are just going to find out after I have the baby that I had it at home. Whether they think I was lucky to not have any thing go wrong or not, oh well, I'll be a proud number in the statistic in the hundreds of women who birth at home.

Now if the baby would stop doing yoga poses I'd be even more happy.  "Hey, there isn't enough room in there for Warrior 3 despite how hard you try."

Life

Ok, so the previous one wasn't my best. It was more of a stream of different things that I've found out and threw together without wanting to spend hours writing something way more in depth on each item. I'm sorry.

So I'll just talk about what life's been like for this feeling way to huge mama.

I had an appointment this past week and my whole family came with me. My husband had written down some questions of things that he had come across  while reading "The Birth Partner" which I got him for Christmas to help with an feelings or questions. We got our list of things that we need to purchase for the birth. Something else you don't really think about until you are planning a homebirth.  The list isn't this huge intense thing, it's not even really intimidating. My grocery shopping lists would knock this one into another dimension.  It does contain things that we are going to have to go out of our way for and things that we can just grab during a shopping trip. For starters we have to order a birth kit, which has things like gloves, umbilical cord clamp, waterproof pads, etc in it. It's nice that they have it all in one kit thing and that we don't have to hunt around for them at stores. Since we are renting a birthing pool instead of buying our own, we have to buy a liner for it. Then there is the pump and hose to empty and fill it. My husband is in complete charge of that. They also answered his question of "When do I fill it?".  We are getting the pool at 36 wks and we are going to do a test fill to see how long it takes with our water supply to fill it. Emptying it doesn't have the same amount of pressure as filling it does, so that part isn't as important.  Then there are basics like towels and olive oil.  Your probably wondering "Olive Oil?" that's to help with stretching so I don't tear.
Then all we have to do is figure out where the heck we are going to put the pool and just pile everything into a storage bin so it's all in one place.
The other thing that we have started working on figuring out is what the heck to do with our son. This would still be a problem if I was having the baby at the hospital, but the solution would also be easier. He could stay at home with the Grandmas and play with his toys. The trouble here is that I don't know when I am going to go into labor and when I'm actually going to have the baby. The Midwives said that what they've seen most is that the mother labors all day and the baby is born when the older ones are sleeping. They've also seen this with multiple siblings. The oldest is usually fine with the birth, but the ones closest in age to the baby is asleep. This makes sense when thinking about it. That's really the only time when a mom can completely relax and thus relax all the tension in the muscles needed in delivery. Some women can birth in almost any situation, but I guess this is most common.  Either way, we still need to think of something just in case.  We've come up with that if my friend who is not due the same week as me is NOT in labor, she agreed to take him. Which really this ideal if it works since she lives about a mile away, walking distance. In return we've agreed to watch her kids if they need to run to the hospital at a moments notice and who they have lined up isn't there yet.
The second option is that the Grandmas take him out to the mall to play and walk around while I'm in the later stages of labor.
Our last option is my aunt who has two boys, one my sons age and one who is going to be five months by then, said that she would watch him.
In all of these options though, time comes into it. If the baby is not born by dinnertime, he is to come home and the grandmas will be in charge of feeding, bathing, and (hopefully) getting him to bed. Either that or just sitting upstairs watching a movie, reading books, and playing quiet games. One of the good bits of advice we were given though, is that if there was someone who was fine with being at the birth or not being present when the baby is born, is really most ideal. Which really it is, but in our situation just not very possible. Come on now, who doesn't want to see a new baby?
So these are things that have been rolling around and have finally found a home in our plan.

The other thing that I've been fighting within myself and I know that's it's mostly because of what stage I'm at in my pregnancy. I just haven't been feeling like doing anything. I know I need to listen to my affirmations and relaxation cds, I also need to get out and go for a walk, and I need to finish reading the book that I've been stuck on for the past month. On top of that I need to force myself to eat a better diet and just get organized. I just don't want to. To be completely honest, I just want to sit on the sofa all day or just sleep. But I know that's just because I'm approaching the finish line and the baby is demanding on my energy supplies. That and chasing an almost 3yr old all day wears on you. I'm not sleeping well, which I know is because of my diet and lack of exercise. Which in turn is making it hard for me to find the will to do what I need to do. I'm hoping this passes soon so I can get myself back to where I need to be. That's also why the previous entry was so scattered. My brain is mush.

Birthing like a peasant.

To Posh to Push

Putting the Placenta aside now, I felt I needed to throw this in here as well.

I'm talking about birthing positions and how there is this idiotic mindset about how one must be a lady even while in labor.  This was something that drove me bananas while I was in labor with my son. The only time I was allowed unrestricted movement and position was when I had to use the bathroom. Other than that I was laying on the bed, fetal monitor attached, IV dripping and me feeling like even rolling over to my side was a hassle. They'd come running in frantic because the baby's heartbeat had suddenly vanished, only to find me just trying to get more comfortable.  Epidural or not, staying in one spot just isn't very logical, even for the non-pregnant.
I remember wishing to walk around and how when I switched to in a position I had learned in the Lamaze class I had taken at the same hospital, it was such a big to do. "Hang on we have to get the portable fetal monitor." Having to wait while that was hooked and they found the heartbeat again.

There are a lot of things about labor and birth that we instinctively know to do in our animal brain. But for some reason we don't do them because we have been programmed that "It isn't Ladylike." So what is with this being a lady crap and where did it come from. Well, it didn't take much digging to find out.

Birthing women used to deliver their babies in whatever was the most comfortable position for them and in the position that would provide optimal room for the baby to pass. When Queen Victoria was giving birth, she asked her Dr to administer Chloraform to her while she was in labor. This knocked her out and she gave birth on her back. This caught on. Not only did women want to be administered Chloraform to protect them from any pain, they also wanted to be ladylike, like the queen, and birth on their backs. The only ones who birthed in any position that was comfortable and effective from then on, were the peasants, who could not afford such a luxory.
This mindset carried on into the Womens Sufferage movement and hasn't slowed since. Women still view it as ladylike to birth on their backs and want their choice of pain relief in childbirth. There is just a few major problems with that. Birthing on your back causes you pevlic bones to be the smallest position and the most inefficient pushing position. You must push the baby up and out. This results in long, hard labors, tears, burst blood vessels, and one very freakin exhausted mama who may then be told she needs a c-section. Then there is the wonderful history of medications given to women in labor.

For some reason that I can't understand, with all the forward thinking women in the world, why in heaven's name would you chose to give birth in the worst position? You would think we would google this on our Ipads and 4G cellphones. Why are we still thinking backwards about birth and accepting that this is the way it is done?  I'm pretty sure Mary wasn't worried about being ladylike when she gave birth to Jesus in the stall and I'm sure Joesph wasn't telling her to lay on her back. (Had to throw that in with Christmas having just passed.) Sure you can say she would of thought differently if she had had all the modern convenience. Yet, how women thought about birth in those days compared to now is very different. Women used to be considered healers and holy vessels. We alone have been given the power to nourish a life within us and have been given breasts to feed this child when it emerges from us. So, why with all this perfection would birth be the one thing that puts fear into our very hearts?
Men have their jokes to compare the pain of childbirth to passing a kidney stone or having your bottom lip stretched up over your head. The trouble is that these are body parts not meant to stretch. Where the baby emerges from is designed to stretch as much as needed for the baby to come out. We are also given a cocktail of hormones that rush through our bodies while in labor to dull or completely eliminate the pain.

It makes me sad when I stop and think about it. How we went from being these strong women who were considered our most fertile and beautiful while pregnant to beings who are weak and need to be saved from what makes us women. This mindset isn't doing anyone any good. We are all able to kick being "ladylike" and birth like a peasant, we just have to kick fear and have a little faith in our own bodies.

You would think Dove would jump on this with it's project of helping girls accept that they are beautiful and strong without makeup or being a size 0. But I guess that's too much of a stretch even for corporate giants.  Oh well.

Links
4 Great Quotes by Grantly Dick-Read
A brief history of Grantly Dick-Read a Pioneer in the Victorian times
Anesthesia and Queen Victoria