God might love you, but I think you're an idiot.

I used to think that statement was funny, because of the number of people I had come across that
I actually felt that way about.
Not so much anymore.

Our society has turned into a blunt, rude, and sarcastic tidal wave. What people used to think, they now say or post online.  With the fantastic cover of Anon we feel we can state exactly what we are thinking without any real consequences. Covers such as "In my honest opinion (imho)" , "Just sayin'....", "Not to be rude..",  and  "I'm sorry, but.." have become so commonly used that they no longer really mean what they used to. They are mostly covers to try to take the blow out of the words that are to follow. They are used in bullying attacks online and in real life.

What ever happened to just letting someone have their opinions? Why are we so determined that WE have to prove THEM wrong? To prove my point, rather than arguing till the cows come home and beyond with my friends about politics, we just steer clear of things that we know are real hot issues. How I feel about our president is different than how my friends and family may feel. Instead we just find common fighting ground to vent our frustrations over. Such as parenting or idiotic laws.

 I could argue until I'm blue in the face to prove my point and all it will do if create a gap that could do severe harm to our friendship, especially if the above phrases are used.

So why is it ok to say these things to people we don't even know? When did we lose our manners? People who used to silently judge people who breastfed or bottle fed are now going up to those parents and stating that you are doing it wrong and they think you are a failure because of such and such. Proving our own superiority as parents in a unimportant contest is absurd.
Then we are the now belittled parent are scrambling for a rebuttal that is usually just as rude. Thus starting the mommy wars, which in the end just causes lost  friendships, hurt feelings and a sudden sense of failure.

Yes, there are parents out in the world that are 'doing it wrong' and are 'epic fails' in the grand scheme of common sense. Such as the mother I saw the other day at my son's school, the car seat straps were way too loose and twisted.  But as horrible as the next sentence is going to sound, this is something that she has to learn herself. Me saying something at that moment, yes, it might of brought her attention to the seriousness of the issue. But it would of also embarrassed her in front of all the other parents and it could of caused a much larger scene than the bit of helpful advice it would of been meant as.
I didn't want that for me or for her.

And this brings up my other point. Because of all this needless mudslinging online, simple things meant to be helpful are brushed aside or taken as a personal attack. I have had many helpful comments be taken the wrong way and had it turned on me with me feeling embarrassed, hurt, or angry at myself for wanting to even offer help. "See if I ever do THAT again."  This is a dangerous, dangerous threshold to crossover into. This leaves stranded motorists helpless because no one will stop in their aid and others who are in sincere need of help, helpless. Because no one wants to be that person who is filmed and posted on YouTube or made into a meme that goes viral online, all because of a failed attempt at help. There are some out there who are strong enough to continue to keep attempting to help, but eventually even they will be burned too many times and stop. Especially if it is just them that are trying to help.

Stereotyping

With all the news on the Martin/Zimmerman trial and then TIME magazine (not so gently) blowing fire into the world of breastfeeding, I've become rudely aware of how much stereotyping there is out there.

I have lots of opinions and views on the trial, but I really don't have the energy to get into it right now and that would totally blow this entry off course.
What I will say, is that the whole thing reeks of stereotyping to me. The simple fact that Zimmerman instantly suspected Martin because of how he was dressed, makes my head swim. But then we have to think about the simple reasons as to why he even thought Martin was up to no good. There was/is a reason behind that. And it's much more complex than a simple piece of clothing.  Same with the breastfeeding mom, nursing her toddler who is standing up. Mothers assaulted her verbally on the web and in other blogs around the US. Why? Because she is now a radical. Everything that attachment parenting is not, at least to most parents.

We are judged the moment we walk into a room, whether it is a waiting room at a clinic, a store at the mall, or going in for an interview. We are judged and then stereotyped before we even open our mouths. By our perfume, our clothes, our gait, our glasses, etc. This is part of the hard wiring in our brains. We assess strangers and try to judge if our fight or flight instinct needs to become activated. Are they friendly? Are they Dangerous? Are they a good worker? Are they poor? And so on. These questions rattle through our minds and after a few minutes, maybe even after hearing them speak, we have filed them into a category. First impressions are the hardest to shake and in Martin's case, sometimes deadly.

Then there is the problem on the other side of that. How do we express who we are without being filed into a certain category? In honesty, there isn't a way to do that. Everyone is different and has a different view of what dangerous, sexy, trashy, is and that is where the trouble lies.

I have a lot of appreciation for people who uphold our laws in this area. They HAVE to shut off this sense almost entirely, in order to see truth. And truth is a lot more complex than black and white. It would be easy to say that everyone who is a Gangster, wears baggy pants and hoodies with something in the pocket, is dangerous and out to rob someone. But that isn't true. The same way it's easy to say that all hippies smoke pot, live in a commune and have free sex. But that's not true either and these are stereotypes that we ALL think of when we hear the words. Not to the same degrees surely, but we each have an idea of what an extreme might be.

When it comes to the Martin/Zimmerman case, everyone is crying out racism. When really that isn't what got him killed. It was behavior and attire and fear of those two combined that formed the radical image of who this kid was before they even met.
Same with the picture of the mother nursing her toddler. She has automatically been stamped with the seal of partial insanity for nursing her child past 1. Especially in the states. Her breast exposed for the whole world to see has been seen by some as sexual and perverse. The innocent act of her nursing her son, has been branded obscene by many and has widened the gap even more so.

Stereotyping is dangerous and yet there is no real way to stop ourselves from doing it daily. We only have to be more meticulous in our actions that follow.