sleepy ranting

This week has been mostly a blur. My mental fog has finally lifted, but just in time for me to realize that the week was over.
Mostly what I've been spending my brain power on has been just trying to fine tune some of the plans revolving around our son. I don't know why I'm so worried about this, the baby isn't going to wait for anyone it's going to come when it's good and ready.  I haven't had the chance to talk to my mother in law about most of the plans yet, but then again he phone has been busy just about every freakin' time I've tried to call her this week. I could talk to her when she calls, but the trouble is that that is usually when I'm trying to finish something else. She'll know what's going on either by finding out that day or maybe I'll just send her a letter.

So my mom has been the one that I've been communicating this with and talking to mostly. Which has been nice, but I've also really noticed how much further down the rabbit hole I am than my mom. She was a Le Leche League Leader for years and there are some things that are just common knowledge, but it's just funny how much more I've learned than she did. She didn't have a home birth with either my brother or me, but it's just interesting.  Some of it is frustrating, not so much in the not knowing, but when that's mixed with the mom. I had thought of one plan and when I talked to her about it she seemed ok. Then when I talked to her about it again later, she said she didn't want to be so far away from me in case something happened. Which I understand, totally, BUT what she used as an example just made my brain go "AHHH! My Bubble!!". She stated that she was worried about me bursting a blood vessel or vein, she said she knows it's rare, but that she wouldn't get here soon enough to say goodbye.  Now in my brain I'm going "The only way I would bust a blood vessel is if I was pushing until I was red in the face.." which is what I did with my son while having the nurses and Dr. say "Push PUsh push push push....." .  I'm not planning on pushing unless I feel the urge to. There is such a thing as breathing the baby down and just letting our uterus doing the work. I mean that's what it's there for right?? Those two sets of wonderful muscles in one organ, one to dilate and the other to push down? It'll seem like it's taking forever, but really when I was pushing that seemed like it was an eternity too.

Anyway, it just made my brain hurt. I totally had a teenager "MOM..." moment when she said that. Like when our moms tried to talk about boys, tampons, the fact that we had reached an age where we needed deodorant and a bra. I know she meant well, but I think I would of rather of relived a moment where I was embarrassed in front of a cute boy. But I guess that's what moms are there for. Who knows maybe it'll be a blood vessel in my brain, that same one that grew when we talked about bras.

Moving on, I'm starting to get the barrage of questions from my co-workers about what hospital I'm delivering at and so forth. They are already harboring some resentment in the fact that I don't know the sex, denying them the pleasure of buying cute little outfits. It'd really freak them out if they knew I haven't had an ultrasound since the first one that figures out my due date and how old the baby is (My midwives don't have an ultrasound machine, though they have someone who they work with who does.) I haven't told anyone I'm planning a home birth, I think someone might call the mom cops on me. I'm already alternative enough to some of them. for example I mentioned one night that if my exercise/birthing ball wasn't so cumbersome I'd bring it in to sit on instead of the crappy little stool they have for me. You would of thought I said I've been eating chocolate covered bugs with the looks I got. (No offense to those of you who like chocolate covered bugs).  After that I knew I'd better just not tell anyone, especially the one who told me point blank "Women aren't designed to deal with the pain of childbirth." uh huh, then why are we designed to have them? Wait did I hear someone say 'Intelligent Design'?  The whole curse of Eve thing really ticks me off some days, but whatever, that's a whole different rant.
So to keep off the masses, they are just going to find out after I have the baby that I had it at home. Whether they think I was lucky to not have any thing go wrong or not, oh well, I'll be a proud number in the statistic in the hundreds of women who birth at home.

Now if the baby would stop doing yoga poses I'd be even more happy.  "Hey, there isn't enough room in there for Warrior 3 despite how hard you try."